Unity

"Be rich in love of man and love of God. Brothers should never cheat each other. When you move away from unity you are sure to move away from God" ~ St. Gregorios Geevarghese.

September 11th is a day of mourning in our country because of the thousands who lost their lives for a purposeless cause. It is also a day, where for a short time, we caught a glimpse into a society where it did not matter your race, gender, sexual orientation, or party line. A unified society existed. It would not have mattered what President was in office at that time, he would have been embraced by the people because he would have had to lead the American people through a national tragedy, which he did. Vigils were held across the country for families who we did not know and we stood together in some form of patriotic fashion because compassion was at the forefront of our hearts, not hate. Now today, facebook, news outlets and other media outlets are filled with nothing more than hatred laded excuses of why it is OK to spew words of hate about people, no matter who they may be. Unity has been lost. While I typically stay away from talking about anything political, I will admit that I too have been entertained by the bantering that has occurred over political bashing. This makes me no better than those carrying on outwardly in the bantering. With this election coming up, Satan would like nothing more than to use it to divide Christians more, use it as another tool to make us seem like arguing fools, and use it as a hindrance to our mission: to bring others to Christ. If we spent even half of the time studying, discussing, and professing our passion for Christ to others as we do our passion for politics, souls could be forever changed. But it doesn’t happen because the passion to share our interest in politics is easier than our interest in sharing our passion for Christ. If that statement shocks or offends you, good. Perhaps your gut needs checking. I know for me, it isn't politics that I necessarily have a passion for, but I do get caught up being passionate about things that aren't eternally important. Anything that takes priority over Christ has become an idol, whether that be politics, our families, our jobs, or ourselves. The unity that occurred after 9/11 has been lost due to selfishness. We by nature are a selfish people. For a time, we chose to bear one another’s burdens. Now, one another's burdens have become a burden to us. For the most part many people no longer seek out ways to help others, but look for ways to help themselves. The greater good has become the greater me. We expect Grace but aren't willing to give it. This has caused a divisive community both in our homes and throughout the country. It is sad and it completely goes against what the Bible teaches. I am thankful that we serve a Gracious and Merciful God who is willing to be so patient and loving with a people so undeserving as we are. All hope is not lost in the unity that was held in those moments after 9/11 because we can be unified in the belief that Jesus Christ died for our sins and that it is He who offers all those who choose to believe the Grace of forgiveness. He unifies us. So whether it’s through facebook, the media or with a conversation with a friend we should stop and consider the divisiveness of our language. Are we speaking love or hate? Truth or lies? Will what we are speaking glorify God or bring his name shame?

 

 “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:29-32

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Never Say Never

I’ve been absent from the blogosphere for a bit; somewhat due to my creativity wandering off into an abyss of nonexistence, but also due to sheer laziness. But, I’m trying to rejuvenate my creativity so, here we go…

Me and Justin Bieber have something in common. What? A 30 something woman and a teen pop sensation can’t share common ground? In 2011 JB had young girls flocking to the big screen in droves to go see his documentary “Never Say Never” and in 2012, I’ll be coining the phrase “Never Say Never” for my own personal use. (coming to a bumper sticker near you) You see, there have been several times in my life that I have said “I’ll never do ___” ,and days, weeks, months later I find myself in the exact situation I said I “would never do”. As a kid I hated okra, said I would never eat the stuff, now I have to get it as a side every time I go to Golden Chick. Tasty little fried green slimy nuggets of deliciousness.

Last year my son went on his first mission trip and had a great time so he wanted to go again this year. Several parents go as leaders… would I? No way. 5 vans full of junior high kids + very little sleep + dirty conditions + looooooooooong drive + 5 vans full of junior high kids (did I mention that?) = not my idea of a week’s worth of time well spent. Then I kept attending the mission trip meetings, and my son had mentioned that both my husband and I should go as leaders. When your teenager asks to spend that kind of time with you it’s hard to say no. That “never” suddenly turned into a “let’s do this”.

Fast forward to today. The week that I spent on the mission trip with the youth group and my family was one of the most life changing weeks I’ve ever had. There is no greater feeling that doing God’s work, surrounded by great people all while being able to see the lives of youth being changed. I met some wonderful people and made some great friends.

So that whole “never” thing? God always lets me know “never” is not an option when He is in control. Looking back I can almost see Him sitting up in Heaven smiling down laughing saying “Ha! Silly girl… you have NO idea what I’m about to do for you”. I have always had a heart for “troubled” youth due to how I grew up. I felt like I needed to reach out to youth that had already taken a path toward being lost and show them a path towards Christ and what He has done for me. What I have learned through this experience is that it doesn’t matter whether a child has been raised in the church or has never known Christ, they are all the same. They all need to be shown the same Grace and Mercy that we have all been shown. They need to be taught that Christ should be center of their lives and that He is who they should turn to, not the world, because the world will fail them. In a short amount of time, I grew to love those kids and now… I’m a senior high leader with our church. Go figure. From never to now.

I’m learning to not say never to God. I don’t want to find myself in the belly of a whale someday. My family and I don’t camp. And at the risk of finding myself in a little tent trapped by a big brown bear foraging for my food, I will no longer say we will never  go camping…but I strongly insist that we stay home and leave it to the pros.

"Lord, I know that people's lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps." ~ Jeremiah 10:23

Not so Dirty 30

Dirty thirty. The Big 3-0. That’s what I turn today. I don’t know where these nicknames come from, but the anxiety that many people get when this age approaches didn’t hit me. In fact, I am really excited about turning 30. I have been looking forward to it for a long time. While most people mourn their 20’s because it is a period of their life they will miss, I am bidding farewell to a period of my life that I kicked in the teeth with great joy. The first two decades of my life were not spent making memories that would fill a scrapbook with cute die-cuts and pretty pictures. Most of my life was a bad after school special. Life required that I join its gang, and with it came a blood in, blood out requirement. Life jumped me in to its gang with a series of punches and kicks to my spirit that damaged me to the point of bitterness and resentment toward anyone and anything that offered a better alternative, which finally came to me in my late 20’s.

When I entered into my 20’s I was ready to fight my way out of the life gang and didn’t care what collateral damage I took out in the process. I had taken the stress-fractured wounds of my past and bandaged them up, and would spend the next 10 years running on them, until they would finally turn into a full-blown break in my spirit. There was a clause in the blood out rule of the life gang is that that blood had already been shed. My price to get out of the torturous life I was living was paid. My gang membership was void, but I was not aware of it. Jesus Christ paid this price for me, and I didn’t have to spend anymore years fighting the battle I had fought for so long, alone. The lessons I learned in my 20’s were valuable, but I am happy to take those lessons with me and leave the years behind. I have learned that even when you face a near death experience, that won’t always create a miraculous change in you. You still have to work towards a change, and that often takes a considerable amount of time and effort. It is the journey that’s important. I’ve learned that Satan only has the amount of power over you that you allow him to have. I heard this statement in a sermon by Tony Evans, and it empowered me to make some much needed changes in my life. Satan does not have free reign to control your life. As Christians, we have the power of the holy spirit in our lives, however when we allow Satan a foothold, such as anxiety, or harboring a secret that controls us, he now has some power in our lives. I have learned that when I give him this power, I am not allowing the Holy Spirit as much freedom to work in my life. I’ve learned that the older I get, I cry…a lot. I see the beauty in things I didn’t see before. Extreme Homemaker Home Edition gets me every time. I expect that by the time I’m 50, I will need a tissue for a baby food commercial.

I am thankful to have made it to 30. I am thankful to have been blessed with the family I have. I am thankful that God has given me another year because 8 months ago we weren’t sure that was going to be possible. I am thankful I made it through my 20’s and that God allowed my sanity to stay intact, my family to stay together, and for my health. I am thankful that Jesus paid the price for me to get out of the Life gang, and join His Love gang.

May I be kinder to my 30’s than I was to my 20’s…

“This is the day which the LORD has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” – Psalm 118:24

Fix You

I received some good news from my doctor today. My numbers are looking good and she said I will only need 2 more plasma treatments and I will be "fixed". It's been a long road. All the Glory goes to God for "fixing" me. I've always loved Coldplay's "Fix You". However, this song has a bit more meaning to me now. I plan to write more later on my reflections on what I've learned throughout this journey, but for now, I hope you enjoy the song as much as I do.

Will the Real W.M.D's Please Stand Up?

I did it. I did what all the top government officials were unable to do. I found the weapons of mass destruction. Or at least one of them. Escherichia coli O157:H7. This is one of the hundreds of strains of E. Coli that the Department of Homeland Security has listed on its list of bioterrorism agent list, and the culprit that was hidden in my bowels for 24-72 hours waiting to wreak havoc on my body. I knew that it was E. Coli that caused my bodily destruction, but bioterrorism agent? That’s impressive. Let me backtrack a bit. As you all know, I’ve recently been sick to the point of hospitalization, but what you may not know, is that it all started with an intestinal infection. Now, this wasn’t just any intestinal infection. This was the Hiroshima of intestinal infections. You see, E. Coli O157:H7 causes Shiga toxins to be released into the system of the person infected. Sounds fun right? They have those little pain scales in doctor’s offices with the faces ranking your pain level from a 1-10. I consider myself to have a high pain tolerance, but the pain that came with those “Shiga toxins” had me praying for mercy like I’ve never prayed before.

Another interesting fact? Laboratories do not specifically test for E. Coli O157:H7 unless the doctor requests it. Did mine? No. Now, my doctor was a good doctor. I went to see him thinking I had a virus, a stomach bug, something quickly curable with some heavy-duty antibiotics. He thought the same thing, so he prescribed me two antibiotics, some anti-cramping medicine, ordered the humiliating stool samples and sent me on my way. A few days later I went back to see him, not feeling much better, with no positive results… the stool samples all came back negative. His response? “Most of the time we never know what causes these things”. Well…all right. I went home to wait it out and a pray that that antibiotics would knock this mysterious illness out quickly. I find out (the hard way) that a person infected with E. Coli O157:H7 should not be prescribed antibiotics because it will not cure the problem and it could cause things to progress to a deadly complication: Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome.

On Friday November 12, I woke up after 10 days of suffering through what I now know is a bioterrorist agent, 10 pounds lighter, and jaundice, and feeling worse than I have ever felt in my life and I told my husband I thought I might need to go to the hospital. After about 2 hours at the ER, a few blood tests, and one of those talks with the doctor that you see on TV that you never want to have, I was on my way to the ICU with the diagnosis of, yep, Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome. I went from what I thought was a simple stomach bug to a life threatening disease that destroys your red blood cells and my organs were beginning to shut down, enter kidney failure stage left --all because of a little hidden bioterrorism agent known as Escherichia coli O157:H7.

Not too many people can say they were harboring anything that is listed on the Centers for Disease Control list. Sure, my doctor could have tested for it, but it’s rare. If he had, he wouldn’t have prescribed me antibiotics and I may not have ended up with HUS. I’m thinking I may have another career in my future. Send me to the Middle East Mr. President, you won’t have to worry about finding the W.M.D’s, they will come find me.

Weariness

I underwent my 16th treatment today, and I am a little bit weary. My treatments take a total of about 6 hours, and it makes for a long day. While I am slowly getting better, the doctors cannot tell me how many more treatments I am going to need to beat this. I started feeling a bit of guilt today because of the weariness I was feeling. Did my weariness mean that my faith was waning? As I sat in the treatment room today, I watched an older man receive dialysis for about 4 hours, another woman a blood transfusion, and yet another woman her daily blood draw to test her platelet levels for the cancer she is battling. Yet, I sat there, weary knowing that each one of those people must be feeling the very same thing. I know my weariness has a resting place. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30) However, some days the unknown, and doctors telling you “I don’t know how much longer” is burdensome. It seems simple to say to lay your burden down, which I have been able to do graciously until today. Frustration is setting in. Today, it was hard to fight back the tears, so what better place to go than the handy Bible app on my phone while I was waiting in the hospital lobby. For no particular reason, I decided on 2 Thessalonians. Random book, but God has His divine reasons and His divine ways of speaking to us. The first thing I read was this, “We ought always to thank God for you, brothers and sisters, and rightly so, because your faith is growing more and more, and the love all of you have for one another is increasing. Therefore, among God’s churches we boast about your perseverance and faith in all the persecutions and trials you are enduring.” (2 Thessalonians 1:3-4) The heading was “Thanksgiving and Prayer”. Under normal circumstances, I would most likely read this scripture for what it is: Paul’s letter to the Thessalonian church. However, it struck me that God meant this passage for me today. Through this trial I am enduring, the love I have for my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ has increased exponentially. The love and appreciation I have for my family has grown more than I thought possible. My faith is what is carrying me through each day. Although I am weary, I am beginning to realize that weariness is drawing me nearer to Christ, and I must continue to persevere. I do still believe that He is the True Physician and will heal me in His own time. I know I will still have days of frustration, but I will continue to be thankful for the progress I have made and for the Savior who gives me rest.

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

Curveball

Recently, I got pretty sick. Not your common cold kind of sick, but 12 days in the hospital, 6 days spent in the ICU kind of sick. The completely blind-side you kind of sick. The, as I am typing this, I am still battling kind of sick. Ok, you get the point. Now, although I am still sick, and patiently waiting for my healing, my faith in God has been transformed. Strange? No, amazing things can happen when your life hangs in the balance. “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18) This time a year most people spend time “giving thanks” for what they are thankful for. If you would have asked me a month ago what I was most thankful for I would have given you an answer something like, “my husband, my son, my health, my job, my church”. Today, while I am still thankful for those things, they carry a very different meaning to me. During these past few weeks, my husband has shown a quiet strength that is given only by God. He has lead our household just as God has called him to do. For that, I am thankful. Psalm 28:7 says, “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song”

Spending time in ICU, and several other days in a hospital wing, seeing people suffering far greater than even me, could not help but shift my emotional “thankfulness” to that of a “thankfulness” state of mind. While in the ICU, one event specifically comes to mind. I called for the nurse, and she took more time to come to my room than usual. When she finally arrived, she apologized and said she was attending to someone who was dying. Today I am thankful for my life. I am Thankful in a way I have never been before for my Savior. I am overwhelmed by the amount of support my family received by our church family, through visits, meals, and prayers. There are people out there whom I will most likely never meet, who were praying for my healing and for my family. For that, I am thankful. I believe that I could wake up tomorrow fully healed. Jesus Christ has that healing power. Nevertheless, if He chooses to lengthen my time of healing, to teach me to become a more thankful, patient, or perhaps a lesson yet unseen, I accept that. If there is one lesson that I have fully learned and embraced, it is thankfulness. Not, emotional thankfulness, but thankfulness as a state of mind. What is the difference? To put it simply, your spouse gives you a necklace you have been wanting for a long time. You are thankful. Or, you overpaid your escrow for the year and your unexpectedly get a refund check in the mail. You are thankful. These are pretty basic. A thankfulness state of mind is hard to come by. Do I think I’ve got it down and will never slip? No. I am human. However, I certainly believe that my mind has shifted to believing in a more thankful way. For example, as I have said before, I am thankful for my life. Not just, I get to wake up every day, but my life. What my life is: A gift. When you are told you are sick enough to need immediate treatment or you could die, the realization that your life is a gift from God becomes a reality. The reality that you have a family who depends on you, now requires your faith to get through the course. Everyone has bad days. I had my fair share of grouchy, irritable, “I’ll do better tomorrow” days, not ever realizing those days were numbered. Sure, you hear the cliché, “you never know when your last day will be”, but you never think it will happen to you. I can guarantee you, by switching to a thankful state of mind, I will be kinder to my husband and kinder to my son. Because I never again want to say, “I’ll try harder tomorrow”. I’ve learned that by having a thankfulness state of mind, my eyes are opened to many positives through my illness. My love and appreciation for my husband has grown deeper. I have always had a very difficult time letting him “do” any of the housework. Not because he isn’t capable, but simply because of my controlling nature. God found a way to humble my controlling nature, and I have found that my husband is an excellent and organized housekeeper. In place of control has grown an appreciation for all the hard work he has had to take on in my absence. I have learned humility. Some of the people closest to me have now seen me at my worst, and I have always considered myself to be the “caretaker” in most of my relationships, and I have now been on the receiving end of the “caretaking” and have had to graciously accept their help. I have seen a true shining example of Christian stewardship. The outpouring support of our friends has brought me to tears many nights. There weren’t many times when I was alone in my hospital room, but when I was, it could get pretty quiet. However, it was in those quiet times, I felt Christ presence the most, letting me know I was never alone. After 35 years of smoking, my father decided to stop. In his words, “if you can fight for your life and it’s not even your fault, I can stop a stupid habit and live to see my grandson get married.” Glory to God!

If I wake up tomorrow fully healed, I will thank God. If I have weeks or months of treatments to undergo, I will be thankful. Because I will know, that God has a plan for me. He may have thrown me a curve ball, but I believe there is a beautiful lesson to be learned in all of this, I am terrible in baseball, but Our God bats 1000.

“Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise. “ Jeremiah 17:14

“You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.” Psalm 30:11-12