Alcoholism Cure?

I recently came across an article about a pill that is being dubbed a cure for alcoholism. It is supposed to reduce the craving that an alcoholic feels when he or she wants a drink. The #1 issue I have with this idea is that this pill is creating another dependence in the mind of the alcoholic. Addiction is a very complex disease. It has spiritual, emotional, and physical properties. All of which have to be address to help the addict. If a pill is prescribed to help the alcoholic overcome the cravings, what happens when that pill is discontinued? Do the cravings return? And if so, what steps has the alcoholic taken to address these cravings without popping a pill? Which leads me to the #2 reason why I disagree with it. This pill may in fact decrease the desire to drink, but having to take a pill for the rest of your life so that you won't be an active alcoholic isn't working on the root of the disease itself. The desire to stop has to be there in order for anything to help. In rehab centers, occasionally medication is prescribed to help with the withdrawal symptoms that addicts are facing. This I can understand. What I cannot understand or condone is yet another pill used as a crutch for addiction. Back when the anti-depressant boom started, mental health issues began being treated in doctors offices as frequently as the common cold, and anti-depressants began being prescribed as often as antibiotics. Now it is completely out of control. I believe this will happen with this "alcoholism cure". People will view it as a quick fix and stop doing what it takes to really deal the disease itself. In the article I read about this said, "Dr. Kevin Clark says the traditional model -- based on intensive therapy and the 12 steps popularized by Alcoholics Anonymous -- is still best. It is a disease of the brain, but it's a multifaceted disease. It has a spiritual component, a behavioral component to it...Our experience tells us that having the network of support and recovery is what really makes the difference." I absolutely agree. Therapy will help the addict understand where their disease comes from and why they choose that avenue to cope with their issues. Rehab and 12 step programs help the addict understand how to deal with and overcome their addiction. It isn't until an addict reaches a point of dispair that they are often willing to consider getting help, and even after this point many people still relapse. A pill isn't going to solve this problem. The spiritual component behind addiction is the most important piece. In 12 step programs, steps 2 & 3 encompass this very idea. Step 2 states, "we came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity" and Step 3 states " we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him". I have absolute faith that anything can be overcome through the power of Christ. Not through a pill, not solely through therapy, not solely through 12 step programs, not solely through the support of friends and family. All of these things are important in the process of recovery (with the exception of the pill), but Christ is the Great Physician and we can do all things through Him who gives us strength.

"To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen."
Jude 1:24-25

My Greatest Blessing

There are many obvious blessings in my life. My house, my job, food on the table every night, my health, my child, the fact that I could continue with this list is a blessing in and of itself. But the biggest blessing that I have in my life is my husband and yesterday he showed yet again, why I am a very lucky woman. He took the time (44 times actually) to write down the exact time that he thought about me, and more specifically think he's a lucky man for being married to me and brought home a card with each of these times written down...simply to say I love you! It seems a bit of an irony that my husband would consider himself lucky to be married to me, when he was the one who lead me to Christ. As far as I can see, that is the biggest blessing anyone can have in their life. To be married to someone who leads you to Christ, and continues to help you on your walk, to help you grow and become better every single day is a blessing beyond words. Love you babe...

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13

The Test for True Authenticity

In the last year, I have come to realize what true authenticity in the church is and is not and how truly unauthentic people in the church can be at times. It has been hugely disappointing and left a bad taste in my mouth. Many churches talk about wanting to have authentic community and being authentic Christians, but it often stops at the discussion point. Being an authentic Christian has to start with placing your full trust in God, and being a trustworthy person. It is demonstrating in your life what Christ has called us to be, and not simply using it as a Bible study or small group discussion. I am not someone who trusts easily. Even if I do begin to show a level of trust, I’ve been known to remain in a state of skepticism waiting for the other shoe of disappointment to drop. I realize this isn’t always the best mindset to be in, and it certainly has caused me personal issues in the past, which is another blog for another time, but it has saved me from being too disappointed in people at times. It is extremely disappointing to me when people who talk about sharing themselves with others, yet stay within their comfort zone and only talk about surface issues. The deeper you are willing to go, the more authentic you are willing to become. Discussing the weather or your job doesn’t help people grow. It doesn’t force you outside of your comfort zone when you fellowship with the same people all of the time. God gave each of us individual gifts and not only does sharing those gifts with other diverse people help them grow; it also helps you. God didn’t intend for us to tread water because when you tread water you don’t move. God’s people are a moving people.

If you have gone to church at any point in your life, you probably realize that there is a wide range of personality types in the church. There are certainly many who are truly authentic, who embrace the idea in every aspect of their lives. However, there are some who are evasive and don’t share with anyone, those who use deceptive means to get information from people, those who smile in your face, yet make you the topic of conversation at prayer groups and Bible studies, those who don’t have much to do with you until the get nosy enough to text or email, and the list goes on. These are all examples of non-authenticity. All of these things are what turn people off from church. I was talking to a fellow Christian sister about authentic Christianity and she made a great point. She said, “Authenticity is shown through being there for someone and showing interest in people all of the time, not just for damage control.” Authentic Christians are what you see is what you get people. There isn’t any hiding behind a smile, there’s not any fear of discussing topics beyond the surface, and they have learned through experience that a transparent life is more valuable to others than to themselves. Now I do believe that some people take the "what you see is what you get” mentality too far. Often being ‘real’ is reduced to simply the desire for others to let you be you. This is a desire that I have had to check in myself before. As a fallen people, accountability isn’t high on most of our priority list. And when we take on an attitude of, "this is me, and if you don't like it too bad, because I'm just being authentic”, we loose the meaning and purpose God intended for us and rely on an excuse to continue on a path that will eventually lead us away from Him. As Christians we should challenge one another to be better, and do so in a loving way. The ‘real’ us is found in following Christ and leading others on that same walk. That is why it is important to use discernment. If you try your best to imitate Christ in your daily walk, then you are on the road to authenticity. Living in the ideal of "take me or leave me", isn't walking the Christian walk, it is walking a selfish walk. The test for true authenticity is when the rubber meets the road and things get uncomfortable, are you still wiling to be transparent, and show some level of discomfort. Because your comfort is found in your relationship with Christ, not in how others view you. Your thoughts?

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." Phillipians 2:1-5

Jesus & The Easter Bunny

My family & I went to a Good Friday service...on Friday...and it was amazing! There was music, singing, and mourning. Mourning for what Christ went through and remembering that we as sinners put him on the cross. There was a cross at the center of the auditorium and we each took turns nailing a red ribbon to the cross in remembrance of what Jesus did that night. It was a powerful moment.

I have never fully realized the meaning of Easter until this year. Easter has become another commercialized production, of which I have fully participated in over the years. My son is now too old to "hunt for eggs", but when he was younger, the adults would play the part of the magical bunny and hide the eggs while he carried his basket full of that plastic filler that seems to show up on the carpet for weeks after the Easter bunny has hopped back to his hole. We'd stuff ourselves with hollow chocolate bunnies, eat massive amounts of ham, buy corsages for grandma, get dressed up in our new pastel colored outfits, and go to church for a message over the resurrection. It was always a nice time to spend with family and have another excuse to buy new clothes and eat a ton, but somewhere along the line the true meaning of Easter got swept up in bunnies and eggs.

Have we allowed the commercialized version of Easter override it's true meaning?

When I was a kid, my parents didn't go to church so my grandmother would come pick me up and take me with her. It definitely didn't have any meaning to me then, because I really only went when she made me, which was usually on holidays. It's tough to get the meaning of anything when you are forced to go and only a few times a year. As I got older and started attending church regularly, it still didn't hold much meaning to me. Sure, I understood Jesus died on the cross for our sins, but I didn't think about the gravity of that sacrifice and certainly didn't apply it to my own life. This year something was different. When I was nailing that red ribbon to the cross, I felt like I was nailing Christ to the cross. I felt a deep sadness and a strange sense of peace knowing that my sins are paid for by His blood. I've never been to a Good Friday service, but it was a moving experience. Easter Sunday is always a joyous, celebratory time at church, whereas Good Friday was actually quite the opposite. It is a time of mourning and remembrance. Most people don't enjoy thinking about the brutality of what really happened. It doesn't exactly give people the "warm and fuzzies" to think about Jesus being flogged, spit upon, beat, and brutally hung upon a cross to die....for no other reason than me & you.
Easter is not bunnies and eggs, Easter is not just cartoon depictions of Christ on a cross, it is a real event that was done for each and every one of us. It is something to be appreciated and remembered. It is certainly something that has taken on an enormous amount of meaning in my life. He has blessed me more that I could have ever imagined, and given me hope in knowing that he won't remember my sins.

You don't have to sell out the Easter bunny to remember what Christ did for you, just remember that while you are enjoying your marshmallow peeps and cadbury eggs, that they wouldn't taste nearly as sweet if it weren't for the sacrifice that Christ made for your sins.

So....I want to write a book

People have told me for a while that I should write a book. My life has played out much like an after-school special. That being said, I want to write a book....I'm just not sure how. It seems like a relatively simple thing to get started doing, but I haven't. I am super critical of anything I write especially when it is personal, which is one reason why I find it difficult to write about my life. So, if any of you readers out there have any suggestions on getting started, it would be appreciated. For now, I'm going to jotting ideas on what should fill the pages of my empty book.

Throwing Stones

Unless you have been living under a rock for a while, you are well aware of the financial crisis going on in America. Recently there have been mobs gathering to lynch the executives of AIG for receiving bonuses. Ok, maybe not lynch, but at least harm their children. Unfortunately I'm not exaggerating. I read an article about the threats that the executives have received due to accepting bonuses. There are several that are explicative laden, so I will leave those for your imagination, but here are a few that have been received via email, letter, or phone call.

-- "I don't hope that bad things happen to the recipients of those bonuses. I really hope that bad things happen to the children and grandchildren of them! Whatever hurts them the most!!"
-- "If the bonuses don't stop, it will be very likely that every CEO @ AIG has a bulls-eye on their backs."
-- "We will hunt you down. Every last penny. We will hunt your children and we will hunt your conscience. We will do whatever we can to get those people getting the bonuses. Give back the money or kill yourselves."
-- "All the executives and their families should be executed with piano wire around their necks my greatest hope."
-- "The Revolution is coming. The family members of your executives are not safe. Your blood will run through the streets in the coming months."

These are some pretty big rocks being thrown. Now, I am certainly not saying that the bonuses were justified, or should have been received, but is it necessary to send threats to these people? Are threats of harming family members, the executives themselves, or encouraging suicide really what greed deserves? Are the people issuing these threats any better than those executives? According to John 8:7 no, they are not. "...If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone..." None of us are without sin, therefore none of us should be sitting in judgement towards AIG. We don't have to agree, we don't have to feel good about it, but we should not hurl threat stones at them either.

"God will bring to judgment both the righteous and the wicked, for there will be a time for every activity, a time for every deed." Ecclesiastes 3:17

Future Gambler or Typical Kid?

An article titled "Impulsive in kindergarten? Gambling ahead" is on MSNBC today. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29470066/It states, "Children rated as impulsive by their kindergarten teachers appear more likely to begin gambling behaviors like playing cards or placing bets before they hit middle school..." Really? I wonder if these are the same children that are going to be incorrectly labled "ADHD" and prescribed medication that will stunt their emotional development. Give me a break people. I wish I could sit in on the committees that come up with these studies. Although there are obviously some very valuable medical studies out there, there are also plenty that are a ridiculous waste of time. It goes without saying (although I'm saying it here anyway) that when children don't have the proper environment at home, and are left to their own devices, they are going to find a way to cope with life. I have yet to find any person who had a rough childhood that didn't grow up with some sort of dysfunction. The point is, kindergarten kids are supposed to be impulsive and it's up to the parents to "train them in the way they should go, so when they are in middle school they won't turn to gambling".

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

Memory Pill or God Pill?

Science is now trying to come up with a pill that can erase bad memories. I certainly have my fair share of bad memories, but I honestly can’t say that I would want them erased. There was certainly a time in my life when I wanted them gone, but because I have been able to work through those memories I have come out a better person. We are a society that believes the “easiest route is the best route”, but is it really?

Daniel Sokol, who lectures on medical ethics at St. George's, University of London, said, "I joined a chess club and lost to an eight-year girl," Sokol told Discovery News. "That was absolutely humiliating. I made a blunder, and I tell myself that I'll never make that mistake again. If you eradicate the memory, will the lesson still remain?"

I understand the pain that bad memories can create for someone, so I am not trying to be insensitive to that fact. However, God often uses bad situations and turns them into a lesson for others. There are countless women out there who have been raped who are now counselors for other victims. There are recovered drug addicts who now counsel addicts. There are parents who have lost children who help those who are suffering through the loss of a child. The amount of pain that people go through can often be used to help those who are enduring the same type of pain. If we accept that a new pill will be able to erase these memories then we are possibly doing an injustice to others and ourselves. As long as there is sin in the world, there will continue to be bad memories created. At what point do we say “enough” and learn to deal with our hurts through the healing power of Jesus Christ and not through the simple fix of a memory-erasing pill? I’m sure that this will be another pill whose negative side effects far outweigh its benefits. How would it be possible to erase bad memories and not have some effect on the positive ones? I wouldn’t want to chance it. I know where I can find healing…Jesus Christ.

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2)

Bailouts Gone Wild!!

In a world where accountability is low and poor decision-making is high, crumbling companies have found an out in government bailouts. From Freddie, Fannie, AIG and the automobile producers bailouts are a common “anti-accountability” form of life preserver. It should be no surprise that companies would start coming out of the woodworks for a free handout, but I was still a little shocked at this request. Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis have requested that Congress allocate $5 billion for a bailout of the adult entertainment industry. Yep, you heard it right, two of the most notorious figures in the adult entertainment industry are asking for a handout, not because they are waiting for their homes to be sold at auction on the courthouse steps, or because they are at risk of loosing their life savings, or even because they can pay their bills, but instead their claim is for “just in case” purposes. With the $5 billion, they would “invest in building new means of distribution, and shoring up our distribution right now to prevent further erosion from factors like Youporn and other Internet content that has seriously affected our business over the past few years,” Francis said in an interview with FOX Business. “We will use the money wisely, and we will create more jobs.” Maybe it's just me, but I don’t think creating more jobs that degrade women, contribute to the destruction of marriage, and numb moral consciousness exactly constitutes a $5 handout, much less a $5 BILLION dollar handout.

It has been said in the past the porn industry is recession proof, because after all, sex sells right? Larry Flynt said, ““People are too depressed to be sexually active. This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex.” This may be true in a healthy marriage, sex is vital, but PORN isn’t vital to anyone’s survival. Last time I checked no one died from the lack of pornographic material. The idea of the adult entertainment industry asking to be “bailed out” from lack of video sales point to the real crisis in America. Complete lack of accountability in our nation has brought on a tremendous amount of stress and an enormous economic debt. The mortgage lenders are pointing the finger at greedy Americans living above their means, while those same Americans are calling the mortgage industry “predatory”. Where does accountability begin and irresponsibility end? Just in case anyone is considering taking this seriously, Joe Fransis is about to go to trial for federal tax evasion….ah, the irony.

Shameful Win?

This story absolutely blows my mind; This coach was asked to apologize for winning a game 100-0 and refused and was later fired. If the coach didn’t play unfairly or cheat, then I really don’t see why he needed to apologize. It was said that the win was “not Christ-like” and was “a shameful and ‘un’ honorable approach to competition”. Really? Winning isn’t honorable? When my son’s basketball team got blown out 48-6, I would have never expected the other coach to apologize and this is 5th grade basketball! Since when did winning, whether by 1 or 100 become a sin? Isn’t that the point of sports? Is to win, and do so with integrity? They have not said whether or not this coach’s firing was a direct result of his refusal to apologize, but it certainly seems that way. I admire the guy for not apologizing simply to appease man. In fact we are commanded to please God and not man. Galatians 1:10 says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Certainly this coach could have apologized and may still have his job. But what then would he be teaching his students? It will not teach them to remain driven, finish what you start, and in everything you do, do with integrity and honor. It would not teach the school they beat anything either. They have an opportunity to build character through this experience and a pity forfeit or win will not do this. I do not believe that we should teach our children to be quitters. Life isn’t sugar coated and we shouldn’t lead our children to believe that it is. Here’s the article in its entirety…what do you think?
http://www.nbcdfw.com/sports/basketball/Coach-Fired-Says-Hes-Not-Sorry-for-100-Point-Win.html

Prayer

I received a message from my dad today letting me know that one of his good friends has a brain tumor. It really shook me up. I don’t know this friend of his particularly well, but I do know that he isn’t even 40 years old yet, and has a wife and young daughter and has recently been going on fishing trips with my dad. When I spoke to my dad, he asked me “Please reach out to your church friends and ask for prayer, I don’t know anything else to do.”

It is interesting to me that even those who are not frequent church-goers, who don’t really read the Bible, know that prayer is powerful. Has there ever been anything in your life, that you know without a shadow of doubt would not have occurred had it not been for the power of Christ? There definitely has for me, and I believe in His power. I believe that He can heal. I believe in the prayers of His children. So for anyone who may be reading this blog, please say a prayer for the healing of my dad’s friend Kenny. God is listening and prayer is powerful.

"…The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" (James 5:16).

Yes...She's Human

I struggled as to whether or not I should write this blog. I don’t normally write anything related to my opinion on celebrity life, but this one got under my skin. Oprah Winfrey’s recent weight gain has made it to a top news story. It’s being published by all news sources as some major late breaking news event. To me, the only late breaking piece of that story is that it proves that she is HUMAN. Yes, she gained weight. But I have to wonder if this was a true weight gain. They are claiming it is a thyroid problem, which may very well be true, but she said in an article that her struggles with an out-of-balance thyroid made her develop a “fear of working out”. She stated that she is “embarrassed” and “mad at herself”. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know too many people that wouldn’t be embarrassed at weight gain and be mad at themselves for allowing it to happen. Now, I don’t TIVO Oprah or give much credence to her advice because she has had too many conflicting views over the years. I don’t believe in the idolization of Oprah. She is human, and she is flawed just like the rest of us. I respect her success and would never bash her as a person, but I don’t think her weight gain deserves the media attention it is getting. Her plan for 2009 is to “get back on track”….the same resolution many of us will commit to. What is most disturbing to me is that there are millions of women out there who faithfully watch her show. They will identify with her weight gain, and those who truly do have a thyroid problem will try to fit into the mold called “Oprah”. They will try whatever weight loss program she endorses and may or may not loose the weight. Oprah is one of the wealthiest people in the world, who has unlimited resources at her disposal, unlike the majority of us. We are commanded to not make idols, and I believe this is exactly what Oprah has become. Whatever she endorses, many people buy into and this is dangerous. There is only One Truth…Jesus Christ.

And by the way, you don't think Oprah gained weight just so she could take it off again for ratings and magazine sale’s, do you? We’ll see if she wheelbarrows in another 67lbs of fat onto her show in 2009…my money is on the wheelbarrow.

One Day at a Time

So, this week I decided to start exercising again. Now the key word there is AGAIN. Now, I will admit that I have never been the most athletic person God created, but I can do a few things here and there when I choose to. Recently I stopped exercising because of some health issues, but even after the issues stopped I managed to sleep in for far too many days instead of getting back on the treadmill. There’s nothing worse (ok that’s an exaggeration, but it feels that way right now) than starting over trying to get in shape. It’s a weird combination of “Yay! I’m back to working out! Weight loss here I come!” and “I’m a complete looser that I can’t run longer than 5 minutes without a cramp!”. I really have never been one of those people that enjoy exercising. I see it as a chore with future benefits. I have said so many times after day one of exercising, “I’m never going to stop again, getting started is so much harder!” And what happens? I stop for one reason or another. Just like with most things in life, it takes much more work to do something positive, than to quit, or give up. Quitting is always easier than starting something new because the amount of work it takes to quit is very little; the amount of work it takes to maintain something (a healthy body, a marriage, a friendship, a job) is not easy. I’ve been thinking about my complete lack of discipline in my life. I have found that I have never regretted sticking something out. I’ve never regretted working hard. I’ve never looked back and wished that I hadn’t tried as hard as I did at one thing or another. But I have regretted quitting; I have regretting taking the easy road…because the easy road has always lead to a more difficult path. And I am travel weary.

The easy roads of marriage lead to difficult paths of resentment and pain. The easy roads of friendship lead to acquaintances. The easy road of not taking care of yourself lead to a difficult

path of poor health. Life is a domino effect. Everything crumbles if you don’t do the continual work to maintain it. For me, my self- discipline is lacking in most areas because I have an overriding fear of failure. It is something I battle everyday. I realize that not trying and not failing is a greater failure than trying and failing, however, sometimes that is a difficult thing to do. I am not a task-oriented person; I am a feeler. And if something doesn’t feel right, I don’t do it. This is not Christ-like, it is of the flesh, and I know this. I know that Christ has a higher expectation for me than for me to sit back and coast. I can’t coast my way into a better body, I can’t coast my way into a better relationship with my husband, I can’t coast my way into a successful career and I can’t coast my way into a strong relationship with Christ. The best thing I know to do at this point in my life is take it, as they say in 12-step programs, “One Day at a Time”. Recommitting (or Committing period) to a self-disciplined life is not something that can be done over night, especially for a non-task oriented person. But, I know that I can commit to waking up everyday and making a choice to be self-disciplined that day. I know that I’ve exercised the past 2 days, and I will wake up tomorrow and do it again. I know that today I haven’t snapped at my husband, and tomorrow I will try to do it again. I know that today I was efficient at work and tomorrow I can do it again. I know that I can do things one day at a time with His help…because He knows I cannot do it alone.

So Today I’m back in the proverbial saddle, ready to take things one day at a time.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12"1-3

Believing God, Imperfect Faith, and Impatience

It’s hard to put together a title for a blog that is over Genesis 15-25:11, because of the various topics that are important in those chapters. But, if I had to sum up all of those chapters into one title, this would be it. In Genesis 15:6 it says, “"Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness." What does this mean? I think that the key phrase in this passage is "believed the Lord". Many people believe IN the Lord, but believing Him is an entirely different thing. Because Abraham believed God, and believed in His promise, God credited Abraham righteousness. This was a gift, not something that Abraham earned. This gift was given because Abraham believed that God would do something for him that he could not do for himself. In Romans 1:17 it says, "…the righteous will live by faith". Abraham did this by believing in God's promise, and God credited him righteousness, which he did through grace. Abraham's faith was fulfilled by believing God, not simply believing IN God. This is the most difficult thing for me to do sometimes. What I find interesting is that Abraham did not live out his faith perfectly. Abraham was impatient (he didn't wait for God's promise about having children); Abraham lied about Sarai being his sister. His faith was not perfect, but God still credited him righteous, which shows believers today the power of His grace.

Now, all this being said, it is so much easier for me to give advice than to take it. Sometimes I don't even believe my own hype. I am one of those who believes IN God and for the most part believe what HE says...with one exception...when it comes to things HE says about me. Now, the rational side of me, and the side that knows better says, "who are you to put yourself in your own category? Why would God single you out individually and make it so that you can't be forgiven, or changed, or mended, or happy?" If another person told me the EXACT same thing about themselves, that they "are broken and can't be fixed" I would tell them "God is good...God is great...and He can do anything"...but telling and applying are two completely different things. The emotional, irrational side of me says, "I have all these emotional hang-ups, so many problems, have done so many things. I have been given so many chances, and yet I still don’t believe? I still think that I can't get through this??" It's a completely backwards way of thinking. I think that "why can't God make it easier for me to believe? (Emotional)" "God has made it easy...look at all you have...you just have to choose (rational)" It is a constant battle in my head. Take for instance counseling. I have been to counseling many time, and I know that if I just BELIEVED that counseling would help vs. believing that it is one big waste of time and I can't be helped that maybe it would actually help. If I stuck to what the counselor told me to do then it would help. Counseling is a bit like getting an antibiotic from a Dr. Once you start feeling better, you stop taking the antibiotic...when they doctor (and the prescription label) clearly says "Take all until finished". Maybe counseling will be a lifelong thing, I will have to "take all until finished"...I have to keep running the race, which Christ has set out for me. Problem is, sometimes I don't know which race I'm running, or I don't believe the goal is really for me. If I didn't have this battle of emotional vs. rational in my head it would be easier. I guess a better way of putting it is God vs. Satan. It goes on so much I feel it physically. So all this being said, am I unrighteous because my opinion about myself affects my faith? Is my faith too "imperfect"?

There are two women in these chapters of Genesis that really stand out and I am able to easily relate to. Both Sarah (Abraham’s wife) and Lot’s wife were a lot alike. They were both impatient and looked to the past. Lot's wife was impatient because she couldn't simply wait until they got to where they were going; she had to "break the rules". Obviously she looked at the past, hence her pillar of salt instance. Sarah was obviously impatient because she didn't wait for God's promise to be fulfilled. She lived in the past also because she remembered all the times she wasn't able to get pregnant...instead of what she had promised for the future. Sarah was an impatient woman and she didn't wait for God's promise to be fulfilled. Her impatience turned into unbelief. Because of her impatience and her own human desires, found a way for Abraham to have a child through Hagar. Sarah did not pray about this decision before she did it and the results of this human mistake were family strife, chaos, jealousy and hatred. Often times, I find myself being impatient about things in my life. Because I often act on impulse and don't pray (or think) about my decisions, I find myself in "self created" chaos.

Lot's wife is an interesting character. Although not much is said about her, there is a lot that can be learned from her. She comes into the story and she goes out with a bang. The punishment of being turned into a pillar of salt seems a bit severe, but necessary. In Luke 17:32, Christ warns "remember Lots wife…whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it" It doesn't say in the scripture why she turned around. It could have been for various reasons: curiosity, fear, not wanting to leave things she loved behind. I believe that she didn't just turn around out of curiosity. I think that she did it because she didn't want to leave her things she knew behind. God provided a way of escape for her, just like He has for me. Before her lay a life and hope, behind her death and destruction. My life has been very similar. I have not only looked back to the past, but have lived my life in the past for a long time. I know that God has promised me a life of hope, but I often choose a life of destruction because it is comfortable and what I know. We are warned several times in the New Testament about living life now and not in the past. In Philippians 3:13-14 it says, "…forgetting what is behind and straining for what is ahead…I press on" It seems like a simple idea, forget the pain, leave the destruction, move ahead to a life of hope and promise. But it is like the analogy of driving while looking in the rear view mirror, eventually if you do this long enough you are going to crash…or turn into a pillar of salt.

In the most unlikely places...

Ok, so I fell off the map again. It’s been over a month since I last posted, and I really could name a thousand excuses as to why I’ve gone AWOL, but none of them are very good. But in the time that I’ve been out of the blogosphere, I have begun a new chapter in my life, one that I hope becomes a blessing to others, because in just a short amount of time it has blessed me immensely.

Three weeks ago I began going to an apartment ministry in Mesquite, TX. This church was started a little over a year ago for the residents in a low-income apartment complex and on Wednesday nights they have Bible classes for the children and teenagers of the group. All of these teenagers come from very unhealthy backgrounds. Most of them come from single parent households, some from households where drug and alcohol abuse are an everyday occurrence and where Christ is rarely mentioned. I have a heart for these kids, especially the girls, because I grew up in very similar circumstances to most of them. The first night that I went they went to visit a new church building where they would be able to meet on Sundays for church. This church building was a big step up from where they have been regularly meeting, but still needs a lot of TLC. The beautiful thing about it is, they were all so excited about being able to fix up the building themselves, they saw this building as an opportunity rather than a hindrance to their worship. We sat in the auditorium and sang a few songs, discussed future plans for the church and prayed…all without any air conditioning on (and if you know anything about Texas summers, you will know that is a bad thing). But in this hot auditorium, where teenagers from varying backgrounds, and teachers who have a love for these kids gathered, Jesus was there. Last night we took the kids to a Texas Rangers baseball game. I’m not a huge baseball fan, but being there with these kids made it so worth it. A few of them confessed to me that they were only there so that they could get away from their house for a little while. We smiled, we laughed, we cheered, and before we got back into our cars to head home we circled around together in a packed parking lot and we prayed…and Jesus was there.

I think that most people feel that God is present at church and at certain points in their lives, but do we really believe that He is always present no matter where you are? I know that for me there have been times in my life where I tried to push God out because I didn’t want Him to be aware of my sin. (It even sounds silly to me as I type it) I have learned that even in the darkest of places He is there, we just have to look for him. In these small, run down apartments many people wouldn’t immediately think “I feel God in this place”, but lining the windows in the apartments where the church is held, is the name “Jesus” on various posters, signs, and drawings. On the faces of the teenagers, children and adults is Jesus. He is there, always watching, always loving, and it is a Beautiful thing.

Cheese to My Macaroni

I’ve always been much better at expressing myself in written word instead of verbally. It makes for a good writer, but a poor partner in any relationship. Because my husband has developed an uncanny ability to know exactly what I need to either feel better from a bad day, or what the best decision may be in any given event, or how to guide me through certain situations, I have grown to assume that he must have become a mind reader as well. But alas, mind reading is one of the few superhero powers that he does not have.

It is usually in a light-hearted way that I refer to him as a superhero, but deep down I mean it. Not in the sense of the ‘movie’ type or comic book, but in the way that he impacts me in my life. Your typical Superman, Spiderman, Hulk superheroes are all invincible, they all have some sort of super strength and invulnerability that has given them the name “superhero”. Kids love it, and part of us as adults do too because those comic book characters who seem so strong and invulnerable also seem to possess more of the heroic traits of courage and heroism. And yet, how tough can it really be to act brave and courageous when you are pretty much invulnerable? It has been through watching my husband through conflict, through trials, and through suffering that I have realized what true strength really is.

For years I had a very backwards view of what strength was. I didn’t understand why or how my husband could have so much contentment and peace during the trials that he has endured. I came to a point of jealous envy and wanted what he had so badly, I too wanted to be invulnerable. It wasn’t until God broke me down that I was able to see that it wasn’t invulnerability that gave my husband his strength, but vulnerability and his faith in Christ. It was at this point that I began quietly watching and learning who my husband really was. I realized that his bravery and courage came from his vulnerability and that completely blew my mind. I would have never put myself out there to be hurt that way. To this day, I don’t. My faith is still growing. I admire that trait in him immensely. He is a fascinating person to me because most of the people that I grew up around waited for others to comfort them, waited for the right word of encouragement, and if that never came in the form of another person, then they would stay withdrawn within themselves. Everyone I have ever known relied on others for their own ability to be happy. And people will always fail other people. My husband does not rely on other people to make him happy and circumstances don’t determine his life, which is why he has such a joyful spirit. His happiness comes from his security and faith in Christ. I also know that God is the lifter of his head in times of difficulty and sadness. And there have been many, many times when Christ has worked through him and he has been the lifter of my head. It is a beautiful thing to witness and have a part of my life and to learn from.

Because I am so proud of who my husband is, who is has become and who he is to our family, there are times where Satan attacks with thoughts of doubts about whether or not I am a good enough wife for him. They are the same doubts that have plagued me for so long. No you are not wanted, no one wants you, no one will really fight for you But as my faith has grown and as my eyes have been opened to who the man is I am married to I realize that God has given me someone that will fight for me, that will protect me, that will pursue me, and that will love me and for me to question that is really an insult to God and to my husband. God chose me to be his ezer kenegdo, his helper, and to never leave him feeling alone. I have not always done the best job at being the best corner man (woman) in our marriage. At best I have been the cut man (woman) and cleaned up the damage incurred during the battle. He however, is always there, always coaching, always guiding, always loving.

I have learned many things from him. True strength is in weakness and not in invulnerability. It is in the self-sacrificing nature of loving another person before yourself. I know that he loves me because that’s what he wants to do, and what he has committed to do. He has taught me that it is ok to bleed during the battle because we don’t have to heal our own wounds. He has taught me this by being a knight that has fought for me and he has certainly bled for me, but has turned those wounds over to Christ for His healing power. I cry for the wounds he has taken and continues to take for himself and for our family. He takes his role as head of our home seriously and I appreciate and respect that.

I will continue to quietly watch him and learn from him daily, but will do a better job at not assuming he will be reading my mind and simply tell him how wonderful I think he is. I will not just tell him that he is wonderful but also that he is appreciated, and not alone. I will be his corner (wo)man and we will fight the battle together.

And in the words of the movie Juno, “as far as [husbands] go mine is totally boss. He is the cheese to my macaroni”.

Honor God with Your Work

I read an interesting article today by Max Lucado about honoring God with your work. My job, and especially my growing irritation and bitterness towards it, is not something that I really consider particularly easy to honor God with. I know that if I changed my mindset, then my attitude towards my job may change. I view my job as a means to an end, a way to pay the bills, and ultimately, a huge stress. We are called to imitate Christ in all aspects of our lives, our careers included. Because so much of our time is spent with working, shouldn’t we use those hours to honor God and not to let those hours bring us down?

Here is part of what the article said, “Whether you log on or lace up for the day, you imitate God. Jehovah himself worked for the first six days of creation. Jesus said, “My Father never stops working, and so I keep working, too” (John 5:17 NCV). Your career consumes half of your lifetime. Shouldn’t it broadcast God? Don’t those forty to sixty hours a week belong to him as well?” I know that for me, when the alarm clock goes off at what seems to be an ungodly hour of the morning and I complain about how sleepy I am, and my first thought is about how much I don’t want to go to work…I am already off on the wrong foot. My first thought at the first sound of the alarm should be… “Thank you God for blessing me with this job, and please allow me to use this job to further your kingdom” It’s never too late to start.

Stress...The Proverbial Monkey on my back

As you can see, I haven’t written in well over a month. This hasn’t been for a lack of trying. I have sat down many times and have had things written but they have all ended up in the recycle bin. My creative juices have been sucked into the stress vortex of life. So, instead of trying to come up with another thing to write about that would join the other long lost blogs in my recycle bin I would write what’s truly been ailing me. I’d like to believe that I am pretty good at brushing things under the carpet and not letting things affect me, which is where I think I’ve kept a pretty good handle on my level of stress…ignore it and eventually that monkey will go away. When in reality I’ve come to realize that by ignoring it, I feed it and that monkey grows into a big looming creature that beats me down. To put it another way, the little gnat that I’ve been swatting away has become a buzzard that is feeding on my soul. I feed my level of stress by constantly being on the go, constantly spinning the proverbial wheel. I do get plenty of sleep, which is more than what most people can say, but I never rest. If it isn’t work that I am spending 50 hours at a week, then it’s trying to fit hours in at home (totally backwards), or wrestling with my own constant worry in my brain that never allows rest even when time might allow it. So, what then is the answer?

Matthew 11:28-30 "Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light."

Choose to Change

Looking back through my life there have been many times where I would say I was going to change, but never did. I truly believed that I wanted to change, that no rational person could possibly want to be as miserable as I was, but I could not make myself do it. I was completely unable to change my thoughts, change my actions, or change my feelings. However, over time the only thing that I realized I couldn’t change was my past, but I could change how my future would be. I fought for years to change myself, completely oblivious to the fact that I wasn’t able to change anything about myself on my own. The ideal that I was responsible for changing myself alone was what held me back for so long. It was never supposed to be my responsibility to begin with. It was, however, my responsibility to make a choice to change. I finally knew that I wasn’t alone in the world; I certainly wasn’t important enough to think that God would single me out and not allow change to occur in my life. I am His child, just as we all are.
No matter what the circumstance is, change occurs in our lives when we change our thinking. Our mind is the battlefield where the war with the enemy is either won or lost. And it is not a fair fight. Satan will attack us with all that he has, but God will overcome all our attacks. “For whatever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world-- our faith”. (1 John 5:4) Change is inevitable, either those around us will change or we can change. And it isn’t until we change our thinking that we can find true victory over the strongholds of depression, anxiety, anger, and many others. The Truth can and will set us free.

Prioritizing Life

So as you can see, I haven’t blogged in almost 2 months. I’ve been busy, with work, with stress, with all the (in the grand scheme) unimportant things in life. Not to say that work is by any means, unimportant, but when it is high on your priority list and takes precedence over time with family and Spiritual growth then it becomes meaningless. I have however, learned some thing about myself through this process. The most significant thing is that my priorities were not what they should have been. Trying to find balance in your life isn’t easy when you are focused on the wrong things. In all His wisdom and grace, God is the Master at meeting you where you are and finding the most impactful way to get our attention. For me, it was showing me that my priorities were way out of order by allowing me to work a 70-hour work week to realize how much I truly enjoyed being with my family. As silly as it is, this is often the way I learn the best lessons…the hard way. If I didn’t learn anything the hard way, I probably wouldn’t learn anything at all.

I’ve realized that life really doesn’t have to be this chaotic, this out of order and unfocused, this completely wrong. When you do the same things over and over and expect something different to happen each time, you are by definition insane. You know that little worn path in your carpet that has been put there by constantly walking the same direction when you walk about your home, a/k/a a rut? This is the same thing that happens in our lives when we constantly do the same things over and over and do nothing to change. We get in a rut spiritually, relationally, emotionally, and mentally. We walk ourselves into a rut instead of into the freedom of Christ. Slowly but surely God will lead us out of our ruts IF we ask for help. He still hasn’t shown me exactly what His plan for me is, but as long as I hold onto His hand He will take me there step by step.

“Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth” Psalm 86:11